So after they left the pier we raced over to the harbor and watched the ship cruise by. I needed to be able to see the ship leave the area for good. Closure. It was not as hard to watch but still a little tough. I actually thought I was doing pretty well. I had my moments when he left but I felt ok and thought I was being a real trooper! Well, after getting home I put some dishes away and then went to take out the recycling. And thats when it hit me. I started balling over the trash. really? really? who cries over the garbage? Well basically I realized two things: #1: I am on my own now and I have to do everything. sad. lonely. boo. #2: I was throwing away some beer bottles from the night before, Matt's beer bottles and I didn't want to throw anything away that was his. Most of his clothes were already gone, no toothbrush, no slippers, nothing and now the beer bottles too??! Ridiculous, I know, but it was all I had left.....well that and some leftover food from Phils BBQ....how long do you think I can keep that before I HAVE to throw it away? :) I guess I feel that if all his stuff is gone, he is officially gone too and that makes me sad. I know he's coming back, but its hard to wrap my mind around 7 months.
Thats why I just need to take all of this day by day. I can't even think ahead to the weekend yet, I am just working on Thursday right now. Tomorrow will be all about Friday, but someday soon I hope I can focus on weeks and months at a time. I know it will get better. I know lots of people that have been through a deployment, poor Samyjo had a year long one. I really don't know how she did it, but I know if she can do it, I can do it. And Brandy is in the middle of one right now and is surviving just fine. So I know I will be ok. Eventually. In time I will get there.
"Distance never separates two hearts that really care, for our memories span the miles and in seconds we are there. But whenever I start feeling sad, because I miss you, I remind myself how lucky I am to have someone so special to miss." - unknown
Some pictures from deployment day:
my handsome officer
bye baby! I love you!!!